Helpless-1

Have you ever felt helpless? Totally helpless? If so, take that and add on the feeling of being overwhelmed with a little dash of disappointing those who are counting on you. Thats the feeling I had in Limon, Honduras last week. After rolling in with plans, materials and muscle like so many times before, I thought I was ready for what God had to show me. I wasn't. I have been leaving myself open to him, to see what he wanted me to see. To feel what he wanted me to feel. Until I rode into Limon I thought I was doing well. I wasn't. Everything I've been through up till now was to prepare me for this. I wasn't. When I walked into the orphanage with my friends in tow to look over some "minor" repairs we were met by the children. Sweet little Karolina, Manor, Bessie, Oscar, Katia and others. They hugged us and pulled on us, they were happy and wanting to play. I wanted to knock out this inspection so we could kick the ball around and love on these kids, but it would not be. As I made my way through the outside kitchen area and into the big room the smell of mold and mildew knocked me back. The inside kitchen and pantry was full of damp boxes and mold. The land lord was letting the roof fall in. I made my way to the old hotel area where the older girls stayed, the smell was so strong my friend Aaron had the other stay back so not to breath in the rancid air. The land lord had removed the roof and allowed rain to soak every thing. The kids were forced into the lower rooms in the orphanage. Once they were gone he started to renovate the building , but not for them. I made my was to the other rooms in the orphanage building. The boys room, 15 x 15, few windows, housing 12 boys and the mildewed remains of what the were trying to salvage from the hotel. The only toilet was broken and overflowing. The smell of urine and facial material was masked by the mold. Into the girls rooms, two 15 x 15 rooms adjoined that slept 33 kids a the cook. 1 baby boy, Christian, maybe 9 months old. The smaller kids were two to a bed. Mold was everywhere. The toilet was barely working. The outside toilet was broken as well. One of the girls was covered from head to toe with at least three kinds of rash, fungal, allergic hives, and something else. The week before we came 12 kids were taken to the doctor for respiratory issues. I asked where the older kids were, they told me that they had to send them back to their homes and villages because they had no room. I couldn't process that, they were at the orphanage for a reason and it wasn't a good one. Why oh Lord have you put this in my path. I can handle most things but this is to much. With every child I held, hugged and looked at I saw my own child. I wanted to grab them up and run as hard and as far as I could. My heart was breaking like never before. I didn't understand then and I still don't.